Before awakening, I hadn’t given my indecisiveness much thought.
What restaurant do you want to go to, Gania?
I don’t know, you choose.
What film do you want to watch?
I’m not sure, what would you like to see?
Fancy a drink?
Hmm, only if you’re having one.
These are common scenarios. Yet, those seemingly insignificant moments can play a role in diminishing self-trust.
It might seem silly, but it’s those small events that get brushed aside which can creep into how you feel about yourself overall.
The truth is, I always knew what I wanted to watch and where I wanted to eat. I just had a thing about making the other person happy or not “putting them out” or inconveniencing them. It was a protective mechanism I had developed from childhood.
Funnily enough, I was good at making decisions at work, but only to a certain point. As soon as the choice involved me enjoying the bulk of the benefit, I’d recoil and default to not wanting to bother anyone.
It took me a while to see that the need to constantly please people was stopping me from truly experiencing myself, which slowly eroded self-trust.
I’ve come to realise that developing self-trust is like training a muscle. Being honest with yourself and saying what you truly want, no matter how trivial it seems, compounds into a stronger and more loving relationship with yourself.